It’s still a little embarrassing, Xichen. [You don’t just talk about these things! Even in private! You repress it until you explode or die from a heart attack at the age of 32, it’s FINE.
But he keeps talking and he softens again, looking embarrassed still, but... Sincere, at least. His face open and honest despite the embarrassment—or maybe because of it.] I... don’t want to do it alone. I want your help, still, but it’s...
[Complicated? Hard? He reaches out to touch at the side of Xichen’s face, his fingertips warmed from the cup of tea] I feel like I’d just be dirtying you somehow. Or that you won’t be able to give me the things I want, and that’ll make you feel worse.
But... More and more lately, I’m also finding that... Just being around you like this calms my mind immensely. I can breathe, I can... Forget, for a few moments, that the world isn’t just you and I and the tea we share between us. It’s not quite the same, but it’s comforting and freeing similarly.
[He goes quiet a moment and reiterates softly] I don’t want to do this on my own. [Not anymore, at least, tentatively reaching out for that help now, instead of withdrawing and wrapping himself up further under layers upon layers of lies and schemes.]
no subject
But he keeps talking and he softens again, looking embarrassed still, but... Sincere, at least. His face open and honest despite the embarrassment—or maybe because of it.] I... don’t want to do it alone. I want your help, still, but it’s...
[Complicated? Hard? He reaches out to touch at the side of Xichen’s face, his fingertips warmed from the cup of tea] I feel like I’d just be dirtying you somehow. Or that you won’t be able to give me the things I want, and that’ll make you feel worse.
But... More and more lately, I’m also finding that... Just being around you like this calms my mind immensely. I can breathe, I can... Forget, for a few moments, that the world isn’t just you and I and the tea we share between us. It’s not quite the same, but it’s comforting and freeing similarly.
[He goes quiet a moment and reiterates softly] I don’t want to do this on my own. [Not anymore, at least, tentatively reaching out for that help now, instead of withdrawing and wrapping himself up further under layers upon layers of lies and schemes.]