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Keywords:

• I think the cashier at 7/11

Comment: might be planning an intervention for me.

Keywords:

• I smell like cotton candy and guilt.

Keywords:

• Hes screaming about Slender man.

Comment: whatever hes on is probably not healthy.

Keywords:

• I remember going home with 2

Comment: I woke up with 4

Keywords:

• I can't tell if the dead thing

Comment: in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...

Keywords:

• Will keep you updated

Comment: on the sexual orientation of my new guy

Keywords:

• Just woke up. Naked.

Comment: Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.

Keywords:

• Well I just found a coupon

Comment: for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me

Keywords:

• He's cute but batshit.

Comment: Like a dominatrix disney princess

Keywords:

• Had sex with the female version of mysel

Comment: looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same

Keywords:

• You face planted into a car door.

Keywords:

• If beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Comment: then BEHOLD BITCHES!

Keywords:

• I'm about to die from sobriety over here

Keywords:

• In my next life I better be a bird

Comment: Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

Keywords:

• We're hate flirting damnit.